Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Pat the Bunny. Very inspirational.

Jonathan, Henry, and I ran a few errands this weekend, including a trip to Lowe's to check out some paint colors for Bee's room.  Initially I was thinking pink and gray for a color scheme, but then I came across this:

I like the book itself just fine, since it's a *classic* and all, but it's not one of my (or Henry's) absolute favorites.  Although he does like to sniff the mirror.  Haha.  (For posterity's sake, his current favorites are the Dr. Seuss ABC book and Curious George's Dream.)  Anyway, the color combination hit me just right, apparently, so these were the colors I was trying to match at the paint section at Lowe's.  While I did that, Jonathan was toting Henry around in the cart feeding him raisins to keep him happy, because being stationary while staring at a wall o' colors wouldn't go well for very long.  

Well.  Out of nowhere (nowhere, I tell you!), I felt some tears trying to well up.  It took me a couple seconds to figure out what was wrong with me (besides the obvious answer of pregnant-->hormonal-->emotional), but then I realized:  We are planning a nursery for a baby who might never see it.  

I guess I've known that all along, but it never really hit me until then, staring at paint colors.  In every other area of my life, I would be likely to dwell on this disturbing realization.  This is how I know God is hearing our (and your) prayers, though.  Instead of focusing on the "what if we don't get to bring Bee home" train of thought, which would end in some variety of dark emotional abyss, I just...didn't focus on that.  Simple yet effective solution...and it's almost exactly the opposite of how I usually operate.

So yes.  Minor breakdown at Lowe's, but feeling better about things now and looking forward to some good news on Friday from our echocardiogram.  Please continue to pray for healthy heart chambers and valves, and for her heart to be working exactly as hard as it should (especially not *over*working).  Look for an update at the end of the week.


  1. Good girl. Remember, we're going to 'Vegas'!

  2. Had the same meltdown this week! I think it will sneak up on us at the most unexpected of times for the next few months. Still, props to you for taking charge in the paint aisle :-) Prayers for y'all and lil' Bee!

    1. Thanks Abby :) Many prayers for your family and baby Parker as well! He and Bee might need a playdate after they start behaving themselves ;)

  3. Leslie,
    I am so glad I got to see you today (and find out that you were pregnant)! Baby Bee is beautiful already! She and your family will be in my prayers. I'm sure this verse has been shared with you, but it's one of my favorites...and it came to mind when reading about your experience in Lowe's. :)
    "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Phillipians 4:6-7

  4. Leslie,

    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I still am amazed by how I just felt the prayers of so many... how was I able to sleep every night for 4.5 months after our diagnosis? I am a type A, obsessive, worrier. But God gave me peace. I did many times have to hold a thought captive, and not allow it to take root like an evil seed.. but God made me focus on him and hope, faith and trust. I went ahead and had a baby shower - I decided to lay claim to his promises and since I believe in a God that has the power to heal my baby - I will go with that. If the alternative happened - well, God would meet me there and help me through that. But I didn't need to focus on that. Once I decided to embrace that and allow myself to celebrate the rest of my pregnancy, what a peace came over me. I still had my moments... but God carried me through.

    I had a couple mamas who walked this journey before me that were such a support.. If you ever have any questions or anything - please do't ever hesitate to reach out. I had an older daughter (she had just turned 3) at home while we were in the NICU - so I understand the being ripped in two.

    BTW - loved the "Dr Sandwich" description from the last post.

    Psalm 46:1-3
    1 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
    2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
    3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging


    Liz, Mama to Finley (L-CDH Survivor) and Rowan.