Jonathan, Henry, and I ran a few errands this weekend, including a trip to Lowe's to check out some paint colors for Bee's room. Initially I was thinking pink and gray for a color scheme, but then I came across this:
I like the book itself just fine, since it's a *classic* and all, but it's not one of my (or Henry's) absolute favorites. Although he does like to sniff the mirror. Haha. (For posterity's sake, his current favorites are the Dr. Seuss ABC book and Curious George's Dream.) Anyway, the color combination hit me just right, apparently, so these were the colors I was trying to match at the paint section at Lowe's. While I did that, Jonathan was toting Henry around in the cart feeding him raisins to keep him happy, because being stationary while staring at a wall o' colors wouldn't go well for very long.
Well. Out of nowhere (nowhere, I tell you!), I felt some tears trying to well up. It took me a couple seconds to figure out what was wrong with me (besides the obvious answer of pregnant-->hormonal-->emotional), but then I realized: We are planning a nursery for a baby who might never see it.
I guess I've known that all along, but it never really hit me until then, staring at paint colors. In every other area of my life, I would be likely to dwell on this disturbing realization. This is how I know God is hearing our (and your) prayers, though. Instead of focusing on the "what if we don't get to bring Bee home" train of thought, which would end in some variety of dark emotional abyss, I just...didn't focus on that. Simple yet effective solution...and it's almost exactly the opposite of how I usually operate.
So yes. Minor breakdown at Lowe's, but feeling better about things now and looking forward to some good news on Friday from our echocardiogram. Please continue to pray for healthy heart chambers and valves, and for her heart to be working exactly as hard as it should (especially not *over*working). Look for an update at the end of the week.